Mediation is a process in which two or more people involved in a dispute come together voluntarily to try to develop a solution to their problem with the help of a neutral third person (or persons), called the mediator. Unlike a judge or an arbitrator, the mediator does not take sides or make decisions. The mediator, usually trained in conflict resolution, is there to help the disputants evaluate their goals and options in order to formulate their own solution. To achieve the fairest results possible, you both take an active part in your divorce and turn what could be a battle for control into a search for mutually beneficial solutions.

Mediation can take place over a series of sessions. But, more often than not, it is scheduled for a continuous amount of time to keep the negotiations going. Sessions are generally held in the privacy of the mediator’s office or an attorney’s office, and begin with all involved signing an agreement that the negotiations will be kept confidential. At the end of a successful mediation, the mediator will prepare a Memorandum or writing expressing the agreements of the parties, at least on the issues which were resolved. Any formal agreement will be drafted by your or your spouse’s lawyer.

The mediator’s role is to move the parties beyond personality clashes and historic grievances. Only then, can the mediator help you improve communication so any future dealings can take place without repeating the difficulties of the past. Mediation is a useful tool because it adds a new dimension to the negotiations. Because the mediator’s purpose is to help guide you to find solutions that you can both agree to, he/she does not have the power to decide your case, or in any other way, act as a judge nor does he/she have a fixed result in mind to urge you toward.

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Mediators can increase the likelihood of a negotiated settlement by bringing the skills, creativity, and influence of trained, impartial third parties to bear on the problem. Perhaps more importantly, frequently mediation can save time and money.

Mediation keeps your options open and reduces issues of conflict. Although most who undertake mediation have a successful conclusion, some do not. If mediation doesn’t work, you can still sue and go to court or engage in arbitration.

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Domestic disputes are emotionally charged. Clients are encouraged to seek counseling before and during the process. Counseling can help clients to work through their pain, accept the marriage’s end, learn coping skills, and pick up the pieces of their lives and go forward.

Don’t wait for your spouse to agree to participate. Individual counseling can help. Often, children and parents attend counseling together to alleviate the effects of a divorce or custody dispute on the children, and to help the family heal emotionally.

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